i dont understand why the world has to be so superficial. why is it that i'm trying so hard to meet everyone's external expectations all the time? what does it matter? what actually matters in this screwed up world where practically everyone behaves like whatever they think or feel is definitely right? even if you know its wrong in the heart of hearts, you do it anyway. why are you so hurtful? why are you so selfish? why do i feel like screaming at the people i love most, the people i'm closest to, as i type these thoughts out? i wish i could do something. i wish i could make you understand. i wish i could tell you how i feel without sounding stupid or overly sensitive. i wish i wasn't afraid. i wish i could stop pretending, stop pretending that i'm alright when i'm not,that i approve of what you're doing when i dont. i wish i was different. i wish i could stop judging people when i'm not that great myself. i wish i knew how to start treating people right, even if we think and behave differently, even when i feel an immediate dislike towards them, because everyone else does. i wish i would stop living for the opinions of others, when all that matters is the opinion of one.

i'm so sick of myself. so fed up.