should've known you'd bring me heartache

sianpei obviously came over eariler.. i was such a wreck. tear-stained face, greasy hair, specs, and in the attire i went to sleep with last night. this is what happens to shermaine tan when she stays home alone for more than half a day. i was moping around my room.. trying not to think trying not to feel upset trying hard to distract myself. i didnt even finish my e learning. this is pathetic but i cant stand being alone anymore its like i've to keep being around someone to feel safe. anyway, sianpei and i did some clearing. i went through everything i used to had with kj and everything he wrote and DIDNT FULFILL, dumped it in a plastic bag and threw it all away today. i deleted whatever pictures there was in my computer i blocked and deleted his contact off msn this is supposed to be a freakng achievement but i dont feel any better. i wonder what will. the first time he ditched me i tried being a bitch was all revengeful but it didnt work out it didnt make me feel good either this time i'm gonna try shutting out the existence of him in of my life. i'm a tiny bit glad that we're moving, so i wouldnt have to go thru the pains of walking through my condo every night and imagining both of us sitting at the bench near the playground near the pool i'll miss park kang and super reds like crazy but i can always visit. so okay, moving will be good. i've to start getting used to changes because i truely understand now how things and people can change so fast,change so much.

i'm glad i've got God. i'll just have to keep thinking.. i'm not alone i wouldnt be alone i'm in right hands tell myself everything will be okay because i've got Him. what else can i possibly ask for.. He'll give me whats best for me, all i have to do is wait. wait. i'm not going to pretend i'm happy now but i'm not going to spend time moping about and degrading myself wishing this hadnt happen to me anymore. be strong shermaine, be strong. its terribly hard now, but i will make it, i will make it.

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMUEL, I LOVE YOU(:

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that Easy to walk right in and out of my life?