goodbye.

i dont understand why the world has to be so superficial. why is it that i'm trying so hard to meet everyone's external expectations all the time? what does it matter? what actually matters in this screwed up world where practically everyone behaves like whatever they think or feel is definitely right? even if you know its wrong in the heart of hearts, you do it anyway. why are you so hurtful? why are you so selfish? why do i feel like screaming at the people i love most, the people i'm closest to, as i type these thoughts out? i wish i could do something. i wish i could make you understand. i wish i could tell you how i feel without sounding stupid or overly sensitive. i wish i wasn't afraid. i wish i could stop pretending, stop pretending that i'm alright when i'm not,that i approve of what you're doing when i dont. i wish i was different. i wish i could stop judging people when i'm not that great myself. i wish i knew how to start treating people right, even if we think and behave differently, even when i feel an immediate dislike towards them, because everyone else does. i wish i would stop living for the opinions of others, when all that matters is the opinion of one.

i'm so sick of myself. so fed up.

fickle

i stopped deleting my messages for like a month back so today i decided to arrange my messages according to contacts and my inbox was filled with 2533 messages from park kang alone >.<

i went... o.O not bad for 2people who barely understand each other. lol!

econs was a bitch today :(

:(

as of 18july onwards, i'm officially homeless.

and after all this time that you still owe

you're still the good-for-nothing I don't know

so take your gloves and get out

better get out while you can

when you go

would you even turn to say

"I don't love you

Like I did Yesterday"

why d'ya have to be so cute?

it's impossible to ignore you

must you make me laugh so much

it's bad enough we get along so well

say goodnight and go

point form about my week because this is going to be lONG.

-everyone seems to want to learn korean these days huh huh must be boys over flowers
i feel really sad that i've got to share hyun joong/ji hoo with so many people when my greatest wish is to marry him seriouslyZ. (this is what i realised over the past week)

-my week was fun but a waste of time track camp was like a chalet we got to stay up till like the wee hours in the morning gossiping without any teacher stalking the campsite like a hawk? ok it wasnt a campsite it was a classroom but my point is, it was so unlike girl guides camp and i loved it hahaha

- i met park kang for 3days in a row because we both had holidays he actually went to the zoo!! and we went to queensway together to buy his shoes i found his shoe size and i think i'm going to get him a pair of shoes for his birthday because he only has ugly track shoes in singapore?!

- visited mel at haji lane on sat together with elisha and we ate organic ice cream at tom's palette? best ice cream in the world.

- sunday i was some triathlon volunteer with track and i sat on a chair under an umbrella for hours saying slow down.. delise was beside me saying turn around & we sounded like a broken record -.- lunch with a few track people after that and i went home slept like pig until ahgong came over with xiaogu to have curry fishhead for dinner. wanted to watch a midnight movie but dad kept insisting there were no midnight movies on sunday and i kept insisting there was so we made a $100 bet and guess who won HAHA we watched ghosts of girlfriends past and i really really liked it okay that was almost the whole of my last week you can see that there is no studying day except for thur with basia at the esplanade which was pretty much a failed attempt cos we spent three hours at lunch not my fault!!

okay this week has been a little more fruitful 4/5 class outing on monday we went botanic gardens we had so much fun playing rounders we decided to meet up regularly at yishun stadium to play hehe astons at night before going to the playground under gwen's house to play crocodile hahaha i really had a lot of fun. & finally met up with lydia yesterday!! i officially started studying today & i'm going to study hard from now onwards kk. k.

other than the times when i sulked and screamed and quarrelled with dad over the moving house issue and sat at the bench under my tower going through every single memory at orchid park wishing we didnt have to go, my week was great.

he said,huh,dont cry,please.
i think you're really really cute.

so what are you going to do? move into a rental flat for 3months, move again into a house for 3-4years? and then? move again? what does the word home mean then? every house is a piece of investment shit for you. WE NEVER GET TO STAY WHERE WE LIKE. we never get a say. the least you could do was call me before placing a frigging deposit to rent the frigging house? both of you are not the only ones living in it. well, actually, maybe i'm the only one with the objection since i'm a bloody spoilt brat. yea. i should live on my own.