i'm your memory. i'm your heart.

-a moment to remember.

but i'm happy

101 reasons why it sucks to be me.
everyone knows i dont have 101 reasons, its just to emphasize how much my life sucks.. you get my drift.

1.i am moving house. i've like,absolutely no reason to move. orchid park is my home, the home i lived and spent the best/worse years of my life in??
2.my holidays are not really holidays because i need to go back to school for a week and study for common test for the rest of the month. if i dont study, i'd feel guilty. so what, who wants a guilt ridden holiday, huh.
3. my ipod decided to crash on me last night, and then it decided to repair itself this morning. conclusion? i need a new ipod and it has to come out from MY own pocket.
4.i saw 2korean girls spit on the floor today. okay i know this dosent really have to do with me, but still.. still. koreans?!
5.i'm screwed for gp tomorrow.
6.i spent 69bucks on xxx today and my mum refuses to refund me.
7.I'M NOT GOING OVERSEAS THIS JUNE. i'm sick of singapore, really.
8. i spent 12bucks on swensens today, 10bucks on mfm on monday,8bucks on tcc on sunday,16bucks on marche,15 on sakae,another 15 on some other sushi buffet, 16 on cafe cartel, 10 on astons,12 on buddy hoagies? for the past week. this is like, excluding all the other fast food meals i've had!!
9.i'm poor. very very poor.(refer to point 8 and 6)
10.i think i gained weight.. refer to point 8 please.
11. i havent seen park kang for 3 weeks. except on the field that is.
12. i've been seeing more of ferran than park kang?(ha ha. please dont see this)

p.s. pictures really really soon ok. the others are all in fb.

first time

i can't decide who i like best so there you go, all of them(:

super reds won against gombak united today. yay.

hehe park kang is so cute he scored a goal and received a red card??

he was all.. very happy today win but red card >.<

now's his pissed off with me for laughing about it hahaha

i honestly love watching his matches makes me feel like i know something bout soccer

anyway there's hockey match tmr so i get to skip track again. i really am horrible. basia and i are horrible. we skipped for like 2 weeks aldry and everytime we skip i'll go eat some nice food. plus i'm broke! spent like $100 on food alone for the past week i think. crap. i'll grow fat and die at this rate.. pinky swear we'll go next monday. ok!! ^^

you caught me completely off guard

사랑할수없다

i wanted to wait until sarah has finished resizing the pics but shes taking so long and i'm bored!! anyway, we went drinking on friday at boat quay and i got tipsy i really suck cause the rest barely felt anything i did a few stupid things and said a few stupid things but no hangover so i'm happy hehe yesterday was one of the loneliest days i've had in ages though. i spent the whole day alone i went for korean class alone i shopped alone i did homework alone i ate dinner alone :( i ate dinner at buddy hoagies alone!! there were so many families around me and i felt like a freak. but i came home and drowned myself in boys over flowers with my family and everything was better. church today and i met ferran after that. okay gonna sleep now i will put the pictures up for friday night soon kkk

eh no wait do come down to home club on the 23rd cos there's a flea and we're setting up a booth there!!

there you go

i'm someone who laughs at the slightest thing, someone who can't stay angry at anyone for more than an hour, someone who forgives and forgets easily, someone who does not know how to hate. my name means joy, what else is left of me if i dont know how to be happy? ^^

i'm so disgusted, honestly. how many girls do you want to be happy, huh. i know i'm saying all these out of spite and hurt, and that i'll regret it in the next moment to come. but to hell with that, to hell with everything related to you. i'm so sick of being manipulated by my emotions, so much so that i can hardly control them. i'm so fed up with myself for wasting so much time on you, so FED UP of crying every single night, so fed up of making my family sad because i'm sad. so fed up.. there must be something wrong with me. i spend like hours trying to analyse every last word you said WORDS you probably never meant, words you say for the sake of saying, words you can just blurt out to anyone. i just wish you'll be happy? yuck.

sometimes i'll think, i'll think maybe its my fault, maybe i'm not good enough, all that what ifs and maybes. other times, it'll be like this. me getting all upset and mad, positively sure i was cheated and that you're the worse of all mankind. it feels like shit both ways. ITS ONLY BEEN 3weeks? what are you, honestly? if i could post up all the evidence of everything you've said or done to me, i wonder what the world would say. only you and i know the worse of you in this whole damn relationship. yea, only you and i know the best of you too.. you are so extreme i really dont know which of you is real. how is it possible that anyone can be both if one isnt a facade? you didnt just do this to me. i wonder if you tell them what you lied to me about for a year, i wonder if you'll carry on the lie to the next person that comes along too. i really wonder.

what i'm doing, what i'm feeling now, its all stupid stupid stupid. its me giving in to my emotions again. AND ITS LIKE I NEVER FULFILL WHAT I SWORE IN MY MIND TO DO? i'm fully aware, aware that i'm very spiteful, that i should be forgiving and that i may just be overreacting, but it feels like, it feels like i've got absolutely no control

What I want from us

Is empty our minds

We fake a fuss

And fracture the times

We go blind

When we've needed to see

And it leans on me

Like a rootless...

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

And all we've been through

I said leave it, leave it, leave it

It's nothing to you

And if you hate me, hate me, hate me

Then hate me so good that you can let me out

Let me out of this hell when you're around

Let me out, let me out,

Let me out of this hell when you're around

Let me out, let me out

sarah yip is a bitch and she dresses like a slut!

you picked me

One, two, three
Counting out the signs we see
The tall buildings
Fading in the distance
Only dots on a map
Four, five, six
The two of us a perfect fit
You're all mine, all mine

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me

So softly
Rain against the windows
And the strong coffee
Warming up my fingers
In this fisherman's house
You got me
Searched the sand
And climbed the tree
And brought me back down

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me

should've known you'd bring me heartache

sianpei obviously came over eariler.. i was such a wreck. tear-stained face, greasy hair, specs, and in the attire i went to sleep with last night. this is what happens to shermaine tan when she stays home alone for more than half a day. i was moping around my room.. trying not to think trying not to feel upset trying hard to distract myself. i didnt even finish my e learning. this is pathetic but i cant stand being alone anymore its like i've to keep being around someone to feel safe. anyway, sianpei and i did some clearing. i went through everything i used to had with kj and everything he wrote and DIDNT FULFILL, dumped it in a plastic bag and threw it all away today. i deleted whatever pictures there was in my computer i blocked and deleted his contact off msn this is supposed to be a freakng achievement but i dont feel any better. i wonder what will. the first time he ditched me i tried being a bitch was all revengeful but it didnt work out it didnt make me feel good either this time i'm gonna try shutting out the existence of him in of my life. i'm a tiny bit glad that we're moving, so i wouldnt have to go thru the pains of walking through my condo every night and imagining both of us sitting at the bench near the playground near the pool i'll miss park kang and super reds like crazy but i can always visit. so okay, moving will be good. i've to start getting used to changes because i truely understand now how things and people can change so fast,change so much.

i'm glad i've got God. i'll just have to keep thinking.. i'm not alone i wouldnt be alone i'm in right hands tell myself everything will be okay because i've got Him. what else can i possibly ask for.. He'll give me whats best for me, all i have to do is wait. wait. i'm not going to pretend i'm happy now but i'm not going to spend time moping about and degrading myself wishing this hadnt happen to me anymore. be strong shermaine, be strong. its terribly hard now, but i will make it, i will make it.

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMUEL, I LOVE YOU(:

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that Easy to walk right in and out of my life?

wasting too much

my new home? its just a part of it but the whole place is really gorgeous its at serangoon and its near my school its near chomp chomp its right next to the new mrt ohman i think i fell in love with the house already. i really hope dad manages to get it!!

1314

i think this weekend made up for the days i skipped my meals. buddy hoagies on thursday,breeks yesterday, japanese food at cityhall today. meeting mel, hann, py for dinner tmr as well!! heehe

i havent been studying but i'm not feeling guilty. i'll catch up sometime soon when i'm up for it and if i dont, God will provide(: & i can always go poly next year >.<

my family and i are having this huge fight over where to move to. kns. i want them to get another unit in orchid park. my sis wants to move into a flat, i want a condo and its not because i'm more spoilt! my bro wants to live at amk ok we all want to live at amk cos its near everywhere but the condos there r v expensive i think.. SUCKS. all this hassle and for what?? i wouldve stayed at orchid park forever -unless theres a chance for me to live in korea.

every memory of you, etched in my mind.

p.s. to xxx: please come online soon!! ^^